So that you clicked on the article link, I am assuming that you are willing to stay happy forever. But wait, what’s the purpose of finding your happiness? Are you upset about something in your life? Do you think that your life is not going as per your imagination? You think something is missing in your life? Reasons can be multiple but the answer is just one – You CAN’T stay happy forever.
Wait, What the heck? What am I doing here then? Why am I reading this article with the title – “How to stay happy forever” when the writer says you can’t be happy forever?
Well, it’s your desire for happiness that brought you here. And that’s completely fine because every human wants to stay happy forever, if not forever, at least for a maximum of their time.
In this article, we will study more about being happy, and maybe at the end of the article your perspective against happiness will change. Of course, you can’t stay happy forever, but we’ll talk about a few techniques to deal with sadness. So, let’s dive onto this journey together of finding real happiness.
Can someone stay happy forever?
Of course, these kinds of people are called Monks! People who have a mindset of “Sab Moh Maya hai”. These people are always happy because their only desire is to connect with the higher power/energy/God (or say get Moksh). They know their only desire & they know that their desire can make them happy.
So, does this mean, if you know your desire & you work hard in fulfilling it, you can also stay happy forever? Might be. Let’s assume that you desire to be Rich & you work hard to earn lots of money, does this mean that you will be happy after being Rich?
Ken Honda, the biggest selling personal growth author in Japan, did a study of 12,000 millionaires in Japan. He asked them just one question.
Are you happy being Rich?
He found that most people whom we would consider as rich, were never truly happy with their life. Isn’t this actually a curse?
Ken asked a man who had just received a million dollars in his bank account, “Are you happy being Rich?”
He said, “No, I don’t.”
Ken asked, “What can make you happy?”
He thought about it and said, “You know, I think 10 million would make me happy.”
Later then, Ken interviewed a guy who had $10 million cash.
Ken asked him, “Are you happy being Rich?”
And the guy said, “No, I don’t.”
Ken said, “What would make you happy?”
And he goes, “I think a private jet.”
Ken then interviewed a guy with a private jet.
And he asked this man, “Are you happy being Rich?”
The man replied, “No, it’s a six-seater jet. I would be happy if my jet can occupy more people.”
This cycle will continue repeating if you find your happiness in temporary material things such as iPhone, luxury car, sea facing bungalow, billion dollars, etc. The moment you achieve one of your 1000’s desire, you will look for the next desire to fulfil.
If by chance, your desire is not fulfilled, it will make you unhappy, stressed, worried, and depressed. And common, luck can’t be by your side always so that you get whatever you want. There will be times when you don’t get what you wish for which will make you completely dissatisfied with the results.
So, what exactly makes you happy?
If you focus more on the material things that you desire, you can never be happy, because these things are temporary. Happiness is more of a mental state of feeling & it is all around us, it’s just that we put a curtain on our happiness & choose to live in the dark.
So, if you’re in a room with your family, with a mindset of earning more money will make you happy, your focus would be working on your laptop instead of spending time with your family. You will put a curtain on the fact that spending time with your family will fetch you real happiness. Instead, you choose to live in the dark mode of working your ass off till you earn billion dollars.
I’ll explain the happiness theory with a small example. Have you ever used a torch? You might have noticed that the area you put the light on, tends to expand and look clear, and the rest of the area is still covered with darkness. The light falls on a specific area and you can see the objects within that area clearly. But you can’t see the objects apart from that area as it is covered with darkness. The same thing happens to our minds.
Lots and lots of thoughts are running in our minds. All these thoughts are the mixture of our memories, our opinions & the kind of content we watch, read, or listen. All these thoughts are again a mixture of all the feelings & emotions we go thru in our lives – happy, sad, anxiety, worry, stress, tension, funny, etc.
When one of your desire is not fulfilled, the torch lightens up the sad area of the brain. It starts to expand as you continue to put the light on that area. Your brain starts to show you one or more connecting events to support your sadness which leaves you stressed/worried & you end up suffering from anxiety.
But the moment you change the direction of the torch from sadness to happiness, the happy area in your brain starts to expand. Your brain will show you all the happy & fun events from your memory album to support your happiness. The torchlight will only lighten up the objects (memories) in the happiness area and will cover up all the other memories (sad/worry/stress) in the dark.
So, by taking control of the torchlight of your mind, you can stay happy whenever you want. Sounds simple right? But it’s not. If everyone could their mind, why would they ever choose to be sad? But still, there are a lot of people suffering from sadness. You know what I think, if you know the right techniques, you can be a master of this torch theory.
Techniques to stay happy
Everything that seems uncontrollable is actually controllable; if you know the right techniques of doing so. I am listing a few of the overall techniques that can help you to stay happy.
1. Change your mindset –
If I could term happiness in a formula, it would be:
Happiness = Reality – Expectation
We always expect something good, something better, something positive to happen in our life, and if something like this doesn’t happen, we are heartbroken, depressed & not able to face what happened in the reality.
The less you expect, the more you get. Expecting less gives you the power to face the reality. You will be mentally prepared for something negative that might or might not happen to you.
“The secret of happiness is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less”
This doesn’t mean that you should not have any goals in your life. But the point is, make an aim of something, work hard to achieve, but don’t be dissatisfied or give up if you fail in it.
You expected to win in your first startup and if something like this doesn’t happen, you will never be able to face reality. If you expect less, there are high chances that whatever happens in the end, good or bad, that won’t affect your mental peace.
There is a subconscious way to get this thing done. Give yourself affirmations 2 times a day (right after you wake up & just before going to sleep) saying – “Let this, or something better than this happen”. In this way, whatever happens in your life (unexpectedly good or bad) you have made a mindset of whatever happened in the reality is better than you thought it would be.
2. Remove negativity –
To be happy in your life, you need to first remove the negativity from your life. There are 3 kinds of negativity that you need to remove.
i) Negative people
These are the dangerous ones. You might have heard of the phrase that You are the average of the 5 people you spend most of the time with. It is important that you surround yourself with positive people.
In the initial days or friendship & hanging out, you won’t even realise who is your good friend and who is spreading negativity behind you. But the moment you realise & spot the negative people in your life, maintain a distance from them and later on cut them out from your life.
Do not try to change them or do not try to spread hate about them saying he/she is a bad person. Find positive people and start being around with them.
ii) Negative content
Just like you are the average of the 5 people you spend time with, you are also the reflection of the content you consume – whatever you read, watch, listen, or see. If you are consuming content that is negativity or spreads hate, you are giving your mind reasons for being sad.
Nowadays, we spend a maximum of our time with our gadgets. We became socially active & we are knowingly or unknowingly consuming content that indicates some negative message. Therefore, consuming good & positive content is as important as maintaining distance from negative people.
Follow useful people on social media, read books on a topic related to your goals, listen to podcasts that inspire you & watch interviews or meaningful videos that bring a positive emotion.
iii) Negative thoughts/events
We all go through negative thoughts & feelings of jealousy, hatred, anger, irritation, etc. All these thoughts cannot be wiped out completely but can be controlled. You can choose not to get jealous of your friend’s success, you can choose to not hate a person who spreads negativity behind your back, you can choose to let go of your anger & irritation. You can choose to switch the channel (emotion) of your TV (mind/brain).
Apart from -ve emotions, we have some -ve events that happened to us in the past. We never forgive what happened in the past and we take this regret with us in the future. Our bad events in the past haunt us and hold us back from enjoying our present. All you have to do is – Forgive & Forget whatever happened in your past. Enjoy your present and live for your future.
3. Practicing Gratitude –
Now after deleting all the negativity from your mind, its time to add a dose of positivity. Practicing gratitude helps you to stay humble. Be grateful for what you have. Work hard to achieve more, but be grateful for whatever you get. In my article How much money can make you rich, I stated the fact that –
If you have both your hands, legs, ears, eyes in a good working condition; if you all the organs in your body are working well – You are in the 5% category of the world population that is considered to be healthy.
If you have a loving family beside you, be thankful that you’re not a part of 153 million orphans in the world.
If you have friends around you with whom you can share your concerns & feelings, congratulations! Because approximately 3.4% of the world population dies due to loneliness & depression.
Practicing gratitude makes you happy & satisfied with whatever you achieve in your life.
I feel that happiness begins the moment you start loving yourself. The moment you realise that your happiness doesn’t lie in any other person or an object or an event but only in you. And to love yourself, you need to know yourself, and to know yourself you need to ask yourself a lot of questions.
Where does my happiness come from? Why does this thing make me happy? What do I want from life? If you ask yourself “Why” enough times, you will get to the core of yourself. You can become aware of what you think, but be honest with yourself while answering the questions.
By any means, this article doesn’t mean that you should not have a vision or an aim in your life. The purpose was just to educate you about what is the core of happiness so that sadness doesn’t affect you. Keep working hard for your aim, believe in karma & don’t be upset with failures (in your career or in your relationships).
The fact is, you can’t really be happy “forever”. Failures & sadness are part of life. Your lifeline also goes up & down. But if you know the exact meaning of happiness & if you practice the techniques mentioned above, you will be less affected by the outer world and the failures/rejections will start affecting less.
I hope this article changed the perspective of your happiness and you will now practice the techniques to stay happy. Share this article with someone who you think is always sad and needs to read this.
One question for you – What makes you happy?
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