Here’s why you lack confidence. How to re-gain it.

Roughly around 85% of people all over the world suffer from a lack of confidence. Are you among the 85% of them? Let’s find out.

We all are blessed with an amazing organ called Brain. But the amount of brain we use defines our IQ level.

Everyone is gifted with a brain, but the way of using it (or the IQ level) varies from person to person. Likewise, we all are blessed with the character of a body, but the way we carry it defines our confidence.

“Confidence is a sense of belief in yourself; believe that you can handle any situation calmly.”

Your confidence defines how powerful you are.

This article is a detailed one, therefore I have added a table of content for easier navigation.

What will you learn in this article and how will it benefit you?

  • Are you confident? Be aware of how confident are you now
  • Why do you lack confidence?
  • Difference between confidence and overconfidence (this is a must-read)
  • Boost your confidence level by 70% – Do’s and don’ts
  • Bonus tip on maintaining the Boosted Confidence level
  • Conclusion

Before we start, I want you to look at this advertisement by center fresh on why confidence matters the most.

They asked a few girls to select the guys they are willing to go on a date with. Their team showed them the pictures of the boys. Watch who does the girl selects in the end. (you can skip to 02:12 to know the answer)

Video credits – Center Fresh India

This video clearly states that no matter how good your looks are, your confidence wins the heart.

1. Being aware of your confidence level

When you imagine yourself in front of a massive crowd, do you feel tensed or confident?

This single question will tell you where you stand in terms of confidence.

Being aware of your confidence level is the first step in developing self-confidence. You cannot develop your qualities when you don’t know where exactly you stand.  

In order to know how confident you are, you need to answer 5 more questions below in either Yes or No.

1) Ever entered the interview/examination room without shivering or being tensed? Y/N

2) Would you back answer to a random stranger who pisses you off by talking loudly on the cell phone? Y/N

3) Do you ignore what people bitch about you at your back? Y/N

4) Would you like to go on a stage in a public speaking event to speak about a topic you like? Y/N

5) Do you have the talent to showcase and you’re not afraid to face the audience? Y/N

If you said Yes to all the questions, congratulations! You are confident enough to move ahead. If your answer to any of the questions is a No, then this article is purely for you.  I am here to help you build confidence with practical steps to follow.

Now that you are aware of how confident you are, let me give you a reality check that –

You don’t lack confidence, you just don’t know how to use it.

Read the next topic to know what’s holding your confidence.

2. Reason for lack of confidence

reason for lack of confidence

Yes, the image clearly defines the reason for lack of confidence in you.

I don’t believe that we lack confidence, we are just unaware of the fact that we’re capable of achieving anything we want.

The only thing that holds you back, is your fear. It’s your fear that says – you’re not capable of performing a specific task. Your fear whispers you inside, you can’t do it.

Brain Tracy in his book – The Power of self-confidence, asks the reader to answer a question.

What would you dare to do, if you know that you wouldn’t fail in it? If you found the answer to this, you have found your passion.

We fear many things – failure, rejection, loss, risk, etc. This fear doesn’t let you follow your dreams. Because of this, more than 78% of people are living a normal life.

Average people are complaining about everything and are not willing to change themselves. They fear that changing themselves would be risky and there is no guaranteed success.

I have found a solution to overcome this fear. I use this technique when my fear holds me back. See if this works for you too.

You don’t fear when you know you have someone great personality standing behind you, protecting you and supporting you. When you have a godfather standing behind, you are not afraid to take a step forward.

Believe that God has kept his hand at your shoulder, pushing you to move ahead and show the world how confident you are. Divert your fearful mind into the spiritual direction when your fear holds you back.

If you’re an atheist and don’t want to follow the above, I would recommend you to surround yourself with passionate people. Read good and positive articles. Give yourself a motivational pep talk. Change the way you think as you are what you think you are. This can help you grow your mind and your personality.

3. Difference between confidence & over-confidence

There is a fine line between confidence and over-confidence. Many a time, you try to be confident in a situation where you end up being a fool. Thinking you lack confidence, you tend not to pick the particular field further. But the reality is, you were over-confident about the situation.

The difference in both can be explained in just one line –

“I can do it – is your confidence. Only I can do it – is your over-confidence”. The fine line is governed by the word “Only”. Your ego empowers your confidence and thus make you feel over-confident.

The only way to overcome this is to make sure you never underestimate the confidence of others to achieve the same thing you are behind.

4. How to boost your confidence level

Your inner life predicts how your outer world will be. You might have heard this phrase – We create our own destiny.  I will tell you what to create and how to create. This will not only help you develop your confidence, but also improve your way of living your life.

Do’s-

improve your confidence

For achieving something great, you have to be determined and focused. Everything runs on cause and effect law which say for every effect in our lives, there a specific cause. Everything in this world happens for a reason. Neither success nor loss is by accident. It’s the effect of the cause.

To be effect full, you need to change the cause of the existing effect, i.e. Your Mental World.

Your physical health is reflected by what you eat. In the same way, you create your outer world by your mental thinking. I will tell you how you can Practically change your thoughts by including a few things in your routine.

The following are the things which you have to include in your routine to be fearless in every aspect of your life.

  • Talk to strangers & smile

Simple as that. Being generous is harmless. Smile because it’s free. Compliment people on their attire, beauty or any other things you genuinely like (make sure you don’t sound creepy :P).

Have the guts to initiate small talks. The more you talk, the more confident you get in dealing with people. Genuinely complimenting others makes your soul happy. Also, receiving back a compliment is cherry on the cake.

Trust me, you will feel so good after telling a stranger that his jacket is awesome (or something else you like). You will make his day and he would be thinking about you all day.

Complementing people boosts your confidence and gives positive signals to your brain. Your mind feels happy and active like never before. It starts thinking positively.

Inside of you, there are two dogs fighting in our minds. The evil dog and the good dog. Do you know who wins in the end? The one whom you feed the most. Feed your good dog regularly with positive thoughts and see him win.

  • Try something unique every day

solving rubix cube

Trying something unique or things in which you aren’t skilled enough, will help your mind to grow and make you feel confident.

I wasn’t skilled in solving Rubix cubes. I thought it was way difficult to solve and people who know how to do it are geniuses.

One day, my 5-year-old cousin showed me his skills in solving the cube within a min. I was shocked to see this and requested him to teach me the same.

It took me around a week to learn how to solve the Rubix cube and my speed was around 6-7 minutes. A month later, I learned to solve the same within a min.

My mind was totally involved in learning algorithms to solve the Rubix cube. I felt proud of myself that I belong in the 5.8% category of people who know how to solve the Rubix cube.

Rubix cube solving population in the world

This might be a small achievement overall, but your brain is ready to accept new challenges. This way you will be skilled in every task you pick. Try to learn something new every day. If not, try to be skilled in the task you are average at.

  • Practice, and be Perfect

perfect dart game shot for improving confidence

The law of practice says that you become skilled in the activity you practice for more than 10 hours a day.

Many people wonder how they are easily distracted by technology and the internet although they meditate and exercise regularly.

You practice meditation for 10 minutes a day thinking it will help you relieve stress and make you happier and, in the end, you are still stressed at work.

The truth is, 10 minutes of meditation cannot compensate what you practice for the next 10-14 hours a day. If you practice distraction for the next 8-10 hours a day, what do you expect to be skilled at? Being happier? No, you will be a master in distraction.

Try to practice concentration. Be focused on what you want to be. The more you practice being confident, the more you will be skilled at it. Practice doesn’t come naturally; you have to take efforts to do so.

You will have to take small steps to achieve something great in life.

Practice in front of a mirror, take initiative to be a part of small public speaking events, make new friends around you. The more you practice to speak in front of new people, you will be skilled at it. The more you are skilled at this activity, the more confidence you will be.

Practicing day by day will help you stay mentally fit and alert.

  • Believe You Can Do It!

Whatever you do, just give your full energy to it. Believe you can do it.

“Miracles start to happen when you give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears.”

-Gautam Budha

success and happy kids

Completely believe that you can achieve success through it. The universe emits energy. We add emotions to the energy by believing what we do.

Put more energy into your positive thoughts to increase your self-esteem. Your self-confidence is related to your self-esteem, i.e. what you think about yourself.

73.5% of what you are today, is because of what you think about yourself. Make sure you think positive and believe truly in yourself so that you can create a better future.

Don’ts

As you know what to do, you should also be aware of what not to do. Let’s have a look:

  • Paying attention to distractions

distraction social media

a) Ever missed some important notes in high school because you were busy thinking about something else?

b) You are on your way home in your vehicle and you receive a call. Would you attend the call while driving?

c) You are working in your office, and you receive a notification on your cell phone. Would you check your phone to see who messaged you?

If you said yes to the answers above, just like many other people, you are distracted.

Distraction kills productivity. Our mind is not structured to be multi-tasking. Be focused on your aim. Decide your priorities and work on them. If your priority is being confident, then nothing can distract you from achieving the same.

Your mind enlightens the area that you give attention to. If you give attention to your health, your mind will start focusing on your health. It will tell you that you only have to eat healthy stuff. It will give you disclaimers in mind that you have to avoid eating unhealthy.

Tips to avoid distraction

– Plan your day a night before.

– Wake up a bit early.

– Go offline for a while.

– Give yourself some time and care you truly deserve.

– Stop getting distracted by the happenings in the outer world.

Further, read this article to know how to not get distracted and learn to focus.

  • Being with the wrong group

If you have a good circle of friends who motivate you and help you in your bad times are the blessed ones.

If you don’t find a good group of people to hang out with, you will be wasting your time impressing and attracting the wrong people in life.

Experts say that you are the average of 5 people you spend most of the time with. Therefore, choose your group wisely.

Start hanging out with knowledgeable people. Attend meetups, events, seminars to be around wise people. Start watching positive stuff. Cut off all the negativity in life. If you can’t find people to be with, start by practicing the law of attraction.

  • Giving up

Suppose, after reading this article and implementing the practicable, you gather all the courage to go on a live public speaking event and do not perform well (say fumble or stammer) and the audience laughs on you. It is obvious that your confidence level will drop down within a second.

sad depressed lonely

If by any chance, this happens to you someday and you feel that you have failed to perform, never give up hopes or degrade yourself by saying that I can’t do this. By saying this, you will be encouraging more people to laugh at your traits.

Remember, only unsuccessful people make fun of others’ weaknesses, the successful ones help to improve the weakness.

Don’t let this affect you. Take this as a challenge and feel the energy that you can do it. So that the next time you go on the stage, you can hear the same people clapping for you.

Bonus Tip!

So that you stated with me till here, I have a bonus tip for you.

5. Maintain the boosted confidence

personality speaks

Now that you know all the mental secrets to boost your confidence, I will tell you how to maintain this for life long.

Find one (or more) thing/s that makes you feel confident all day. Like I always feel confident when I wear clean, ironed and stitched clothes. In addition, I always wear perfume to smell good. Likewise, find what makes you feel confident and wear it with a positive attitude.

Also, I want to clear one thing, that whatever we practice for more than 10 hours a day, we become skilled at it. And once we become skilled at anything, the skill is inseparable from us.

Imagine practicing guitar for around 9 hours a day. In 3 weeks, you would be able to play few songs, in 6 weeks you will be able to play the hardest strumming patterns on the guitar and in 18 weeks, you will be pro at it.

Even if you don’t touch a guitar for 3-4 years and later on try to play it again, you won’t forget the notes and chords you were skilled at. The same goes for the skill of confidence. Once you practice thoroughly, this skill won’t leave you until the end.

CONCLUSION

Everything seems achievable while reading something positive.

What’s so difficult in saying – I can do it – 10-20 times a day, right? But you know, it would be difficult, if you are expecting your confidence level to go up with a few days or hours of practice.

I want you to be patient as everything has its own time frame. Some people achieve success at a very young age (Mark Zuckerberg) and some achieve at their old 50’s (Jeff Bezos, owner of Amazon).

You can’t produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant. No matter how great the talent or efforts, some things just take time.

Warren Buffett

All you need to do is, be dedicated to your goal of achieving the right confidence within you. If you truly want to be confident, just practice and be patient about it.

Love yourself and believe that you have the power to achieve the confidence you want. Give more power to your confidence by imagining yourself, standing with pride, in front of the 100-200 people who laughed at you long back.

There are multiple powers lying within you, waiting to come out and show the world how talented you are. Just go, move ahead and prove the world that you are born to be successful. So what’s stopping you now?

Good Luck!

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2 thoughts on “Here’s why you lack confidence. How to re-gain it.”

    • Hi Danyel,

      I am so glad that my content helped you. Your comment literally made my day. Thanks for the support. Keep spreading smiles 🙂

      Reply

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